InterVarsity, my campus Christian fellowship, sponsored a fall conference last week for college students attending Connecticut schools. We spent two hours on a "retreat of silence," where we ceased interaction with other people and spent that time devoted to praying and reading Scripture. During that time, I randomly flipped to a chapter in my Bible--which happened to be John 15--and read about "the vine and the branches."
"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." -John 15:1-2
While I was reading this chapter, I seemingly got the random idea in my head about joining ministry. It was strange because I'd always thought of ministry as something that others were called to do, but not a career that was right for me. Of course I quashed the idea; I already had things essentially figured out. But I did pray after I read that passage that God would help me to bear the most fruit wherever I was.
A little while after the retreat of silence was the staff interest meeting that time after time I had opted out of, but in this particular instance I felt moved to attend. And during this session, the person who was leading it said that we should come on-staff with InterVarsity if we wanted to be somewhere where we could "bear the most fruit." Even though chills went down my spine and I immediately thought back to John 15, I was still hesitant about committing and a little confused about why I kept thinking about ministry when it was not an option right now.
Later came the worship session that evening. I couldn't stop thinking about everything that had happened that day, and the more I thought about things, the more afraid I felt. As I was singing, I realized I couldn't stop crying--and I wasn't even sure why. In the midst of all of this, two of my friends came over to pray with me. During the prayer, I felt the most overwhelming fear I had ever felt before, but as soon as the prayer finished, I realized how clearly God was speaking to me. As soon as I accepted His invitation to let my plans go and to take His plans on faith, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and all I felt was relief. This feeling of peace was perfectly described by the next song that was played, "Set a Fire" by Will Reagan & United Pursuit (see bottom of post).
There really isn't another word to describe my decision other than "shocking." For the longest time, I told myself that full-time ministry was not for me. I wouldn't be good at it, there were others who were better suited, but most importantly (subconsciously), it didn't have the reliable paycheck and the job security that I thought I needed. And then I realized how hypocritical I was being. How could I say that I love God and that my life is His if I couldn't even try out full-time ministry for a year? If I genuinely thought that God was asking me to do something for Him, frantically coming up with all the excuses I could just proved how weak my relationship with Him was. And what better guarantee for a paycheck and job security than the support of God?
Of course, I am in no way saying that those who work in corporate do not have honorable professions. After having interned with the same company for two summers, I've had the honor of meeting some of the most successful, likable, and intelligent people. From the bottom of my heart, I wish I could work for that same company again, but I know that I would be doing it for the wrong reasons--at least at this point in my life.
I thought I had my career after graduation figured out. But in the span of a half-day, God turned me in a completely different direction. Of course I will be seeking confirmation in continuing to pray about this, and if this is truly what God is calling me to do, He will give me the right opportunities. I'm excited, not afraid, and happy that God has set a fire in my soul and helped me to realize where I may bear the most fruit. There's no place I would rather be.
Some people would still say that this is an impulsive decision and question how I know full-time ministry is God's calling for me. But a friend of mine once said that God doesn't call you to somewhere you're already headed or something you're already doing. "To call" means "to summon" or "to command to come," and the way the word is used implies a change in the status quo. The nature of how drastically I've been changed--this is the power of Christ in me.
